Monday, January 07, 2013

With you, it’s different


[ a guy & a girl can just be friends, but at one point or another they will fall for each other…maybe temporarily, maybe at the wrong time, maybe too late, or maybe forever ]

I just recently went through a break up. The emotions I felt (& still feel) were so piercing & severe that in moments like those, it feels like everything is a dream & I’m just praying that I will wake up. I have never met anyone I got along with so well, someone I was able to ‘click’ with so well, someone who challenged & fascinated me…someone who sometimes literally felt like they were a part of me. How could it possibly be true…that the relationship that once began with butterflies & innocence & pure bliss has ended in confusion, uncertainty & possibly regret. My mind just races through all the memories…every smile, every laugh, every touch, every word; what does it all mean now? Do I move forward with all those wonderful memories? Can I use those memories to block the severe emotional pain? Or will that pain forever capture the happiness. I keep contemplating over all the conversations- what could I have said or done differently? The ambiguity kills me.

After time spent in meditation I have come to this conclusion: Those who seek the Lord shall not lack any good thing-Psalm 34:10. The Lord needs to intentionally be made number one priority in all situations. Although we as humans are not perfect & in any relationship there will be arguments & difficult times, the Lord needs to be the foundation. I believe that despite the fact that the relationship had no distinct issues that were critical in treating but perhaps rather growing in understanding, what was lacking was the spiritual aspect.

One of the hardest parts of life is deciding whether to walk away or try harder. I don’t want to walk away from something I truly know was existent. However, I do believe that having some time to reflect in prayer & seek guidance can do no harm. I will be anticipating the appropriate time to move on to the next step.

I’ll keep you peeps posted.
Cheers.
{jae.}